"Mommy, your fingers do that too".

I know this seems random to place in my blog. The truth is that this little movie sums up some of my feelings and experiences that I have made several attempts to place here and somehow I never have the courage to voice.

There is one person (other than Tom) who I think would understand what I mean by using this movie clip to represent, and he has been passed on for two years now this summer. I just want to say thank you for being the one to believe and encourage me. I am what you said I was. My circumstances, my opportunities aren't and haven't been what either of us thought they were.
I know he understands somewhere why and believes in me but if standing up for myself or my husband means stepping on someone else in the process (no matter how much they may seemingly deserve it), neither of us can do it and thus, my dreams wait.
I hope you know what you did for me, Sir, when I needed it most. I'll never forget that.
But, what I am conducting now is playtime, magic and the fantasies of my own children.
Thank you for taking that time to care.

"Mommy, that lady does the thing with her fingers that you always do."

The most unselfish thing I could have done was done when I chose to stay home. But what others do not know is that it is almost as rare now as my ability to transpose for any instrument on sight, or play any melody off the top of my head for the first time flawlessly. Moving here was the second most selfless thing I could have done.
This community will never know or understand what the reality is, and though I have tried, I cannot tell them.
I don't know how many more times I can continue to forgive the thankless, then laying flowers at their feet. I am so tired of smiling today. Pray for my husband this week. He is feeling the same.